Nostalgia

Recently, my husband and I met with our financial planner. While we seek his counsel on things like saving for our childrens' education and our own eventual retirement, he said something that was not related directly to finances and it really rocked my world.

He said our parenting days were essentially done.

That, although we would always be a presence in their lives, we had already done our part. The rest would be up to them.

Youngest Spawn, approx age 3

This is an old photo of our now 11th grader. In my mind, he's still the quirky, goofy kid he was in preschool, wearing two different color socks and mismatched shoes because he liked it better that way. I was not in the least surprised when in 9th grade, he wanted to dye his hair cobalt blue. Or when he let it grow from then until about a month ago, until it was halfway down his back. (No longer blue, though). Nor was I surprised when he came home from a friend's house with it all cut off again.

He can pick locks, transpose music in his head, and take apart and rebuild computers.I have no idea what he'll do in the world, but I have no doubt it will be on his terms and wildly creative.

Eldest Spawn, kindergarten

This is our 19 1/2 year old. Today is his first day of class at the college he just transferred into after realizing that his first go-round wasn't right for him. He spent one semester at a great school, came home for a year to work and take classes locally before being accepted at a truly amazing school. He's a head taller than both his parents with the shoulders of a linebacker, the hug of a big bear, and the heart of a golden retriever.

I love this picture he drew. Notice the relative scale of the dog versus the dog walker. He still loves dogs. He never really learned to draw, but he does have the soul and the creative vision of an artist; only his medium, like mine, is words. He has already seen several of his plays produced and will be working through that process again this summer with a local theatre group.

Both Spawn, December 2012

 This was a candid photo we snapped on the first night of Hanukah. We are members of a winter farm share and had just gotten our winter storage potatoes (20 pounds of them), but I hadn't put them in the basement yet, so they were sitting in 5 pound bags in the front hallway for a few days.

We lit the candles and the boys started teasing us, asking what we got them for Hanukah. Without missing a beat, my husband and I both said, "potatoes!" The kids snatched up a bag each and started laughing.

I am not sure what I am more nostalgic for; the memories I have from when the boys were small or the small moments like "potatoes" that happen when we are all together.

Our job as parents is to ensure our children will be fine without us. I just didn't bank on success making me feel so damned sad.